Category Archives: Family Ministry

Parenting with the End in Mind

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Parents, when you imagine the person your child will become, who do you see?

 Do you ever think about your end goal?

Do you think about what are you trying to accomplish through your parenting?

In the day to day of parenting, it can be hard to see the end goal as more than survival.   If thinking about this end goal is not something you’ve put much time into—try it today.  Who is your child is becoming:

  • 5 years from now
  • When your child goes to college
  • When you child is an adult
  • When your child has his/her own family

I believe it is important for us to have an end in mind.  We get so bogged down in the day to day, that it is easy for us to forget that there is an end goal here.  It is easy for us to forget that how we live in the day to day has a significant influence on who our children are becoming.

Parents, if you do not decide what you are trying to accomplish as a parent, someone else will.  If you don’t imagine who your child is becoming . . . someone else will.  We are immersed in a culture of societal norms, traditions, and expectations for who our children will become.  If we put no effort into determining the end, we get swept away by this system.

Parenting should be proactive!

In the Old Testament we see a whole host of commands and instructions.  There is this text in the Deuteronomy where we see many of these commands and instructions culminating.

4 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. 5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. (Deuteronomy 6)

Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul and strength.  It’s the most important thing.  Love the Lord wholeheartedly:

  • With all your capacity
  • With your whole self
  • With all your resources
  • This is the lens through which all decisions are made
  • This is the lens through which all of our resources are handled.

So according to this text–not only are we to Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and strength–but according to verse 7m we are to “Impress them on your children.”  Whether you have kids are not, this text pushes you to impress this devotion to God on the next generation.

We see Jesus many years later bring us back to this text.  At one point, Jesus is asked what the greatest commandment is:

 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”  (Matthew 22)

What if when you imagine who your child will become, you imagine someone who:

  • Loves the Lord their God will all of their heart and all of their soul and all of their strength. 

I believe having this end in mind helps us prioritize our time with our kids.  It informs how we make our decisions.  If our goal is to lead our kids toward a life that is honoring to God, then there are things we will do today with that end in mind.

I hope that my kids are brilliant.  I hope they do well in school.  I hope they are successful in their careers.  I hope they have families and hundreds of kids.  But if I had to pick one . . . if I had to pick just one thing . . . if I had to give one thing priority over the rest it would be that:

  • My kids learn to love the Lord their God with all of their heart and all of their soul and all of their strength.

Our time, our money, and our resources are limited.  In the course of our child’s life, we’ll have to make decisions on how to use our limited time, money, and resources.  Having an end in mind guides how we make those decisions.

Message Matters

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Our Family Ministry is starting to have an orange glow.  Last week I wrote about Thinking with the end in mind, and outlined some end goals for Crossbridge’s Family Ministry.  As we look toward where we would like to see our kids when they graduate high school, we outlined what we saw as both the role of the parents and the role of the church in moving our kids to that end goal.

A significant part of this plan is the message we are communicating.  As a church, we have a limited chunk of time with our kids.  The message we communicate and how well we communicate that message is important in this limited chunk of time is important.  We believe our message matters.

With this in mind, we’ve narrowed our focus.  We’ve developed a list of principles that we teach kids at different age levels.  Our hope is that by narrowing the focus

  • Kids at every age level will hear the message
  • The message will be presented clearly.
  • Our kids will remember the message
  • Parents will know the message
  • Our kids will live the message

Check them out—our teaching principles:

Preschool (Birth — Kindergarten)

  • God made me
  • God loves me
  • Jesus wants to be my friend forever

Children (Kindergarten — 5th grade)

  • I need to make wise choices
  • I was made by God and for God
  • I can trust God no matter what
  • I am learning to love others the way Jesus loves me

Students (6th grade — 12th grade)

  • I am created to pursue an authentic relationship with my creator
  • I belong to Jesus Christ and define who I am by what he says
  • I exist every day to demonstrate God’s love to a broken world

As a parent I am excited to have some focus and be on the same page as my church.  I look forward to reinforcing these messages that we are hearing on the weekend to Zimri, Cason, and Fuller.

 

Thinking with the end in mind . . .

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As Crossbridge moves toward an Orange strategy for our family ministry, it is important to have an idea where we are headed.  With this in mind, let me share some of Crossbridge’s goals for our family ministry.

Our hope for the family is this:

  • Parents take ownership of their child’s spiritual development
  • Parents value the role of church in a child’s life
  • Parents seek partnerships with other adults in raising their own kids
  • Parents routinely (daily and intentionally) talk to their kids about God
  • Families live missionally (living out the Great Commission throughout the week)

Our hope for our children and students is this:

  • By the end of fifth grade:
    • Children understand they are made by and for God
    • They know God gives them value, and they see their relationship with other people through the lens of their relationship with Jesus
    • They know what it means to live missionally
  • By the end of twelfth grade:
    • Students strive to lead a life honoring to God
    • Students see Jesus as their #1 priority and the lens through which the world is viewed
    • They live a life that reflects greatest commandment (Matthew 22:34-40)
    • Students seem themselves as the church and live as missional people

With this is mind, we want to be a church that provides:

  • Role models of influence  who model and teach authentic relationship with Jesus Christ
  • Opportunities to connect other adults in child’s life
  • Connections for children and students in small groups at every age level
  • Resources and programs to Equip parents to lead their children toward a life honoring to God
  • Environments (outside of “church”) where students and families of Crossbridge can connect with other students and families

This is the end we are working toward.  This is the direction we are headed.  As we plan our programs . . . as we develop and deploy leaders . . . as we decide where to spend our energy and resources . . . as we determine what lessons to teach our kids . . . this is what it is all about.

We are thinking with the end in mind.

Orange is my new favorite color!

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Several weeks ago during a Family Sunday at Crossbridge, we introduced the philosophy that Crossbridge is adopting for our family ministry.  We are adopting an orange philosophy inspired by the wisdom and leadership of the reThink Group.

The idea is this–If the church is yellow . . . if the family is red . . . when you mix yellow and red . . . when you mix church and family, you get orange.   When the church partners together with the family, the church and the family combined do more than the two working individually.

I like this.

As a parent of three young kids–desiring to lead my children to live a life that is honoring to God, I am excited about where we are headed.  Parenting in itself seems an overwhelming task . . . not only do I want to parent, but I want to give my best.  I am excited about a partnership between my family and my church.  I look forward to connecting with parents who are doing the same things I am doing.  I am excited that I am not on this journey by myself.  I am excited about being more orange.

Crossbridge is months away from being orange . . . but we are taking good steps.  This is what we are doing now:

  • Children’s Ministry and Student Ministry leaders are meeting together to strategize our family ministry.
  • As I write this blog Elizabeth, our children’s ministry leader, is preparing for our first ever “orange team” meeting.  Parents are coming together to brainstorm and dream about what an orange Crossbridge might look like.
  • Crossbridge is making our best effort to let parents know what kids are learning on Sunday mornings so that parents can continue the conversations at home.
  • Families have more opportunities to get together and connect with other families.
  • We are putting more energy into making our Family Sundays a special time for Crossbridge families.

There is more to come.

If you want to learn more:

My hope for the families at Crossbridge is that they never feel alone in the responsibility of parenting.  My hope for our church is that we stand by ready to support our families in every way we can.  I believe the church and the family have been brought together for a reason and my hope is that we see the full potential of this relationship.